pain in the arse

teehee... 2 entries in a row. sheez i muz have missed blogging so much. *bliss.

it's a great day at isle of cumbrae... a tiny island wif nth much to do. it's so damn tiny that u can cover the entire island by cycling around for 4 hrs which include many LONG photostops. by long i mean VERY LONG. y? cos there r few leceh aunties camwhoring perfectionistas in da house.
thank gudness i'm cool wif that today hehe. cos i'm reli chilling myself out in the beautiful sceneries. mountains n sea... typical scottish sceneries but stil luvly. *post photos later.

but wth... i got a seriously uncomfortable bike!! i need to slouch a lot until my back ached n omg i reli pity my fleshless butt. anyway 2 hrs riding a bike is sweet. 3 hrs... tiring. 4 hrs... that's killing me!!

treated myself to dinner at rumours again. curry mee again. hohoho. my frens may not agree but after trying out so many curry mee in msia, judging the tasty har-mai aroma n the rich coconut cream plus the accompaniments... rumour's curry mee can chin-chai beat many curry mee in KL! too bad it lacks the bit of spiciness-oomph for my stds.

so i think the best is stil in taiping n kuala sepatang!! omg when's cny??

i need to pack a bit. but i reli dread to have another p&s session again. cos i have lotsa stuff scattering here n there. n of course... it's hard to think that i'm leaving scotland in 3 days' time. sad isn't it? cos i grew to luv this place more each day. the water. the air. tho not the ppl n not the food la. *sobs*

very complicated feeling. only avril lavigne can understand. cos an hr ago in the previous post i was happy of going back to my food paradise n few mins ago i was talking abt going to perak for n now i damn berat hati to leave glasgow. how la u tell me...!!!
ah beauty sleep 1st.


watever izzit... it's reli pain in MY arse now. i mean it! literally.

WEEee rhapodisiac's BACK!!!

... after a long hibernation. well y during the summer? cos she's ain't a polar bear! ok. HA-HA-HA.

gee feels so gud to blog again. that means i finally have the LUXURY to sit in front of the comp to type a bunch of crap.. to watch hotaru no hikari (it's so damn HILARIOUS wakaka! n tengmuzhiren n the oh-so-sweet ayase haruka r such tyummy eye candys!). gosh when lin-sama calls that a LUXURY, she muz have been away from a place she calls HOME for like a decade!!

indeed... i've gone tru the craziest travel-thon EvER since my final paper.

1. spain + portugal. back to glasgow. pack & shift.

2. italy. back to glasgow. p&s.

3. ireland. back to glasgow. p&s.

4. parents come. jln-jln bit of scotland.

5. convo. p&s

6. cosmos tour to 6 countries in 13 days (WTH!!!). truely nomadic lifestyle.

7. london. back to glasgow.

8. st. andrews

9. scottish highland tour.

this is MADNESS!!! do sum math wif the miles i've travelled n oso the number of p&s.. siao!!!

in such a short time i've been to many places. i reli appreciate it.. considering how lucky n privileged of me to have done so at a young age. of course, much thanx to daddy n mommy. i've seen a lot. learnt a lot. n enjoyed a whole lot more.

haha in the near future... rhapsodisiac is gonna turn to a travelogue.. sounds cool eh! stay tune.

anyway the travelling plus the p&s from room to room block to block had taken a toll on me. omg y can't my contract wif james blyth court last forever?! tired is not reli the word. i guess exhausted describes my condition better. i look so horrible now.

bad n dark apuneneh complexion! frizzy fuzzy messy hair wif yucky split ends!

wth i look like indonesian maid now. how now brown cow....
how i wish i'm rich enuf to treat myself to a luxurious spa n expensive hair treatment.

not only that. i have developed a sense of disliking towards certain stuff.

1. no more hostel pls. i wan comfortable hot shower n clean bed. may all bed bugs b sent to hell.

2. i cannot stand bus or train or watever ride more than an hr. ahhhh.... it's reli pain in the arse!!!

3. my stomach wil selectively reject foods like breads, croissants, fried stuff, McD, burgers, cold ham, n last but not least
CHIPS!!! i hereby declare i HATE french fries!!! i'm sick sick sick of them!!!

anyway 30th july wil b the day i step on the soil of FOOD PARADISE again. asam laksa!! cheerios=)


=relaxedRuby=

Yes I did it!

yoohoo!

yeh yeh yeh!

yes yes yes!

i can go on wif all sorta screams of relief n joy la dee da=)

wat a day. it's 4 sth n piercing screams filled thruout the G7. v all make it!

i'm so glad i achieved wat i aimed for. merit wahaha!!! bfor that when i was doing a 1 week crashcourse in the study break, i say that if i don do well i wanna bang my head on great wall of china cos i put myself in this shit. i don need to do that now hohoho.

i juz called mommy. alamak. bfor calling i feel like crying adi. u know y i was thinking abt picking my parents up at glasgow international airport cos they'll b attending my convo... thinking abt my whole family n my extended family all pegi studio take studio photo wif me wearing the robe mortar board, holding a scroll n every1 smiling wide open. cheese=) then i'll have this beautiful portrait hanging on the wall of my house.. n then few yrs down the road another similar portrait wif my bro being the 1 in the robe mortar board wif the scroll. awwwww...

when i talked to mommy n she congratulated me n she said she juz messaged my sam ku lok poh sok pak heng tai to convey this gud news... i juz.... huuuu.... i cried. teehee allow me to b emo for a sec...

it's like walking down this long winding path called education. i've hiked up the last stop called university n i've accomplished it. now my parents can fly all the way to uk to c me wearing a robe n receiving a scroll. sharing wif them such pride n honour... wow! n i can tell daddy that's like the best ever investment he had made, using the money for my education instead of a big bungalow. u say la how can i hold back my tears.

i've worried the shit out of my research project. if only u can rmb the emo post on my research project. so pissed wif myself. i was a greedy person n yes i dreamt of getting distinction wa like so cool lidat. dream la can anot i'm sure every1 wans to get high marks 1 ok. the moment i pass up my pharmcare i knew i screw bit of it n then the moment i pass up my research project, i knew it's as gud as gone.

i left all researching n understanding n writing in 1 week, risking the subject which carries the most weightage in this degree! w/o editing samo! it's like handing in a hastely produced 1st draft to the supervisor thinking that the devil was blind n wud b foolish enuf to give me gud marks wth! i had nitemares abt it that i rmb vaguely by now.

then 2nd time, worried the shit out of my cpp. i left at least blanks which worth at least 15 marks n answer others like crap. then a lot of WAT IFs crept into my mind that i was pretty down n stressed out that time, i'm sure moz of us felt that way after the freaking scary cpp paper.

then that day when i was having a great time in spain, in a cold barcelona hostel (wth no blanket samo), i juz had to dreamt that i failed my research project when every1 else passed. it was SOOO REAL in the dream that i instantly felt so lost in my life! thinking that i've let myself n my parents down, the frustration was so intense that i cudn't take it. then suddenly i woke up, gosh i heaved a sigh of great relief n almoz broke into tears cos IT'S JUZ A DREAM. OMG! damn scary wei. how can it b so real??!!

then check status for viva. i got a 'no'. so i pretty much confirm i pass cpp. hurray! after that i got greedy. i'm not satisfied wif a pass to b frank. yes i wan a merit. n then on 4th june i reli got a merit. wahaha! thanx whoever up there who has been watching me all this while n help me sail tru all major examinations in my life even when i've not been a gud gal. i'm very thankful, reli, if only u read my blog.

n of course i've nvr been happier knowing that 2 fella close to me got a distinction. 1 paranoid fella who nvr had much luck in life n 1 fella who worried sick of failing cpp that v sia2 waste our saliva comforting her. hahaha... congrats! i wil nvr forget that hug n the tears of joy.

of course a pat on my shoulder too. hee hee....

=pharmacistTan=

once in a purple moon

ya i alwiz said that instead of once in a blue moon.

n huh?! rite now, looking out of my luvly window, i saw purple moon! whoa! though at sum point it looked orange to me. omg purple n orange... 2 totally distictive colors takkan i can't tell the difference rite? sry i reli can't. anyway things juz do not alwiz have absolute answers in life.

it seems that the incidence of purple moon is higher than blue moon. so to imply higher rarity, i shall use back the good o' phrase... once in a blue moon nx time haha.

drilling my brain wif heavy metal n looking at the moon tru my luvly window. awww i'm gonna part wif u my room this fri. huuuuuuu i'm so so sad.

ya i'm stressed out. i'm having a hard time memorising those 4 topics. watch series nonstop la, slack la, padan muka!!! ya only 4 topics, decided to leave out sandy gray's topic for my own gud.

omg wat a totally irrelevant post.
ahhh~ have a break! have a.. err.. i don have kit kat.


=stressedSheryl=

sry ma, i spin out of control again.

after randomly looking out for dramas in crunchyroll ytrday i bump into tata hitotsu no koi... to jap illiterate, it means juz one love. cliche as it sounds, haiyo i tell u ah *my typical auntie tone*, it's the same old poor guy rich gal ala romeo n juliet story. gee tot i'm not gonna fall for this kinda formulaic drama

BUT THEN...

i finished the Entire series within 24 hrs!!

omg this is SIAO! wat's wrong wif me?! i know i'm a drama freak but this is 1 heck of a feat that shud qualify for lin's book of records.

well i guess it's none other than the charm of kamenashi kazuya. yalar i admit he's a guy wif girlish features, ill! totally not my type. i only drool over manly man ok. but wth he's so damn cool in those dramas n the characters he played absolutely enhance his manliness like a million fold whoa... i think i gotta tell mr lee that i'll luv him less these few days cos i need to channel my luv to kame.




kame! aishiteru!

anyway ayase haruka was soo preety she melt ma heart though i don have a y chromosome. tgt they make such a gorgeous couple. geee i think i'll make a cute couple wif kame oso wat. *fantasizing fantasizing. if i have time i'll paste my photo rite bside him to prove u that.

jdrama being jdrama, helluva tearjerker. ahh sucky me fall for that too, tot i'm a macho person haha. nah only jdrama n tvbdrama appeal to me i dunno y. i'll puke overnite rice if it's a taiwanese or korean production. i can't stand it!! they've spun the kawaii factor n drama factor overboard it's utterly nonsensically ridiculous!!

personal perference, no offence.

hmm i find that i enjoy lotsa 'light' stuff nowadays, err sry can't get a better adjective. it's gud that i'm not being too 'extreme'. there.. shoot. this is gonna turn into a reflection post.

there was 1 point in life

... where i think love story should b depicted in a subtle way, wif minimal conservation, wif extensive character layering, wif inconclusive-abrupt-leaves-u-room-to-think aka yat tau mou soi kinda ending r gud movies. ooh sounds like tan chui mui's love conquers all. haha.

... where i luv all things 'underground' n 'dark' n shun many things deemed to b commercialized.

whether is my luv of this kinda stuff or izzit my rebellious mind doing the trick i dunno. so it's pretty much a chicken n egg question, but yeah non-conformity surely appeals to me. being a jadedJude back then was in a way, depressing. i juz tot.. i wil nvr understand ppl i don care if they gonna understand me cos i don understand myself either. but when it comes to communication n relationship wif ppl, dang i'm in deep shit.

if i were to go on having the idongiveadamnonwateverthatidonfeellikegivingadamn kinda thinking, it's gonna b destructive, emotionally n socially. ya i pretty much realise that.

for now, i enjoy being a more balanced individual=)


=kiddoKate= to =emoEmily= don freak out.

i juz feel like blogging

wooff.. it's been 2 days i keep myself away from module notes. teeheehee~~ feels like exam's over. been daydreaming abt my spain trip. how many singlets shud i pack.. erm.. wahaha finally no need to bao ba zhang adi, it's spring! i feel so sprightlySue!
chotomate! this day nx weel i'll b in seville. whoa!!! omg omg i can't wait.

*slap*

ok there's stil 1 final paper to go... which require 50 marks to pass wth but carries only double the credit of the totally irrelevant personal skills development lagi wth n then no mcq samo lagi lagi wth. presenting... advanced drug discovery! *touch wood* shud b my final exam paper as a student. *pray hard*

haha eyes stil bit watery now. i've juz finished over time, the jdrama wif fan ding long shi in it. yep yep yep i super duper gila abt fan ding long shi, he's my man!!! omg i cudn't have ask for a better ending. it's such a cool way to end the show when natsuki decided to go to new york wif the doctor, awww another cute guy=) the relationship btw natsuki n soichiro is juz so beautiful n extraordinary, it's more than frens lovers n siblings. if they were to b tgt in the end they r juz so gonna kill it, luckily the scriptwriter has the same thinking wif me phew. shit y i keep digging old jdrama to watch lately??

+++++

so sry my dear blog, i've decided to abandon u for quite sum time. u know i had enuf of writing essays that make my eyes tired yes i was born to have weak eyes, blogging an entry is kinda like writing an essay minus the formality minus the stress but wil make my eyes tired too. to conserve my eye power for studying , i spend much of my time taking naps, watching drama... which perfectly re-energise my eyes. yes i need all the time i have to bond wif my dear bed n my dear room. huu i don wan birbeck, i had fell so deeeeply in luv wif this lil pigsty n the luvly window.. awww..

yeah i keep saying that i don wan to go back msia so fast. but another part of me is oso counting down the days left to pick my parents up at glasgow international airport *run to parents wif arms wide open.. slow-mo * n i know the moment i touch down klia (too bad la i'll b going back wif my bf if not can drama abit oso), i wanna go to sum hawker stall n eat a plate of hokkien mee.
n of course, i know i'll b so glad to b wif my family n dearie dearie frens again. weee~

+++++++++++

ytrday juz had lunch at chokukun? chikokun? chukokun? bwahahaha my oh-so-cute housemate ms cheong juz can't get it rite. hoiii apa-la ni... it's CHUKOKU! CHUKOKU! drrrrill it into ur cerebrum yo.

juz like that flip-floppers, flop-flippers, flippy-flopper, flop-flip.... f f f f all sorta possible combination in the world... but not FLIP FLOP!! bwahahahahahahahahahahahah.

anyway the nite ended wif a lil party for mingying at J9. plus a reli sweet video (che wah globalised samo damn yeng) that touched deep into her heart *wink wink... n apparently her lacrimal duct haha.

then ms cheong had to kena again ngeh ngeh cos she forgot to tell us that our house need to record a video for mingying too! v were left out! anyway that video n the heated debate (not reli heated la, juz that 1 fickle-minded fella keep blabbing n changing her opinion every 5 mins) over it gave me a light bulb! after adding sugar n soya sos whoala, G7 had 1 video for mingying too.

HAPPY 2*th (sensitive stuff) BIRTHDAY to my MEK1 inhibitor partner!

"boobiemingying" signing off.

FINAL EXAM

ok this is the time of the yr n this is the time of my life.

final exam of MPharm couse. a degree at stake. don play play.

had my 1st paper ytrday. receptor-mediated endocytosis, don even wanna talk abt it. bet v were so stressed out for the past week. after exam, housemates n i chatted til midnite. siao! but feels gud. gals... this species is hopelessly n uncontrollably chatty n gossipy at times.

anyway the scariest paper of all is on this fri. clinical pharmacology n prescribing. read journal n answering questions IN OWN WORDS. there's nth much to do to prepare for this. scary!!!

bet moz of us who can't write comprehensive answers r pretty worried abt this paper. i'm oso worried abt my attn span, i juz can't sit down n read n understand the whole thing attentively in 1 hr, i'll alwiz go blank for seconds *zooop*, n there's no way i can do star jump in the exam hall when i have a brain jam. u think so easy to focus n digest ah!

enough abt that, i juz hope that i can make it for all these 5 papers n graduate on june 30th 2008. i hope to share this pride n joy wif my parents on that day. they don come here juz for europe tour, they come for my convo. fingers crossed!

i pray, i pray n i pray. pls let me pass this final exam. gud luck to myself n all my batchmates.

ZHA DOU!!!

i think i'm destined to do things last min.

i think i'm destined to b a person w/o sense of urgency.

mayb, i shud alwiz let things take its own course.

if... i can juz b myself.

mayb, things wil sumhow work its way out.

middle of final week of study break: haih this stupid booking of virgin train tickets. there's sum technical probs n since it's related to address, i'm so freaking scared that i'll not receive those 14 tickets by postal delivery. i'm not talking abt 4, i'm talking abt 14 tickets ok! then spent my whole afternoon calling few times n sending a couple of emails. at the end of the day, there's NO reassurance that things r gonna b fine n there's NO clear solution for it. gek sei ngo!

next day: went to dear's place for awhile. when i came back i found a piece of paper in the pigeon hole. omg this cudn't b it rite?! my train tickets have reached the village office?! i quickly dashed to the village office to collect my stuff. n omg it's RELI those 14 train tickets!! when i get hold of the envelope it was such a great sense of relief... aahhhhhHH~~~

but this sense of relief was later overshadowed by a zha dou feeling. i mean IF only i'll juz wait n c for 1 more day!! i wil not go tru all the hassle n waste my time doing things that i shudn't have done in the 1st place!! lagi gek sei ngo!!

then i suddenly found out that on the envelope, the date written by vo was ytrday's date!!! at this pt i almoz vomit blood.. @#$%&* DENG! i don even need to wait n c for 1 more day.

IF only any1 of us can juz walk downstairs n check the pigeon hole ytrday... yes, there wil b no phone calls, no emails, no worries, no time n energy wasted. super zha dou!

well y does this even trigger me to blog abt it... cos it din happen once or twice, it happen thrice!

*

after amsterdam trip, was planning on the route for spain trip. damn susah payah finally drafted a route that can accomodate lisbon. so happy. then suddenly 1 day, that ticket price for dublin-barcelona suddenly naik dunno how many fold. BASKET!

change route.

then the booking involving vueling.com failed for no reason, no matter how many times v tried. n this particular flight juz has to affect the outcome of the entire route. WTH!!

so change route again.

n luckily it worked. but bcos i was a lil obsessive compulsive on the whole planning back then, all these changes had costed me quite sum time. gek sei ngo!!

i mean IF only i'll juz look it up 1 or 2 days bfor the day v book.

*

then the italy trip. things r easier this time cos i'm sure of the 3 cities i wan to go. after coordinating wif the new accomodation contract, yeah got a plan. juz when i tot v r supposed to check in on fri, actually it's sat!!

wahpiang.. difference of 1 day, diff price for flight ticket, plus that damn kacau graduate ball has to stuck in the middle, fine.. that means gotta find a different route. BASKET!!

IF only i'll juz plan later, after i know abt the check in date.

*

given any ordinary day when i'm bumped into all these stupid situations, no big deal. but hey they all juz have to fall during my study break, which is cut short a week due to the amsterdam trip, so stressed out lo!!

middle of the 2nd week of the study break, i finally set my hands on those module notes. when i realised that i'm looking at sum alien wordings, ahh how much i regreted for sleeping in lectures n not revising earlier, i got panic! then on the other side need to crack head on accommodation contract n planning everything when parents come over for convo. only get to concentrate on the middle of 3rd week but things stil get in the way.

bcos there's a hurry to get things done, i get a lil pushy on stuff, yeah so not me. sumhow when i'm FINALLY, for ONCE, enthusiastic at getting things done, things juz didn't work my way. wat the heck! y punish me like that? i tot it's a gud thing to at least have sum sense of urgency which i usually don have. instead of getting things done quickly, i screw things up.

i mean if i can juz b myself n let things take its course, i wudn't have wasted my time n energy on NTH! time was silver back then but time is gold now!! i mean for gudness sake this is my last exam that determines heavily whether i deserve an MPharm degree n become a pharmacist in the future, i need all the time i have to study REAL HARD!! i need to focus!! that's y those lil incidents juz drive me so mad, arrgghhHH! yes i'm not friendly when i'm stressed out, i bite, rawrrrrrrr!i'm gonna bang my head on great wall of china if all these gonna affect my exam results.

IF only the time wasted can b used to study.

see how things had worked against me when i finally had sum sense of urgency n was enthusiastically getting things done.

i've nvr been an organised person in my life n i nvr will.

i'm juz gonna b the usual =selambaStella= n let things take its own course.

life wil b much better this way=)

=madMargeret=

+++++

decided not to post this when i was stil breathing fire. sumhow i realised that if it weren't spent on doing these things, i'll stil b doing other non-study related stuff. cos there's no way i'm gonna lay my attn to sth continuously (sum1 muz b so worried abt this haha), wat more study. i can't! i'm a sagittarian. (when there's nth to blame, juz blame it on zodiac sign keke.) so lin-sama, there's totally no reason for u to b so uptight wif those time wasted.

i'm bored!

so bored until at the spur of the moment, i transformed my boredom into basin + toilet bowl scrubbing. yes i'm that bored. 1 more look into the module notes n the =HannahHulk= in me is gonna tear up the pages apart. so i blog.

there was a bbq gathering n a bday celebration. sum time to breathe fresh air, destress, detox, de-watever.. but when they ended, stress level shoot up cos u realised that ah so much time lost!

the bbq gathering was a product of many misunderstandings haha. anyway the chicken wings n the desserts were yummy! 1st time i act shiver in a bbq, 1st time i don need a fan to brow of the drop of sweat trickling down my nose to the chicken haha. it's diff in glasgow, the damn convenient disposal bbq kit juz n help from a gush of glasgow wind, whoala the flame was set in few nanoseconds.

then i thoroughly exposed my poor reflex to a mass audience n had to gulp down yucky smell-and-taste-like-air-longkang mixture. eeeewwwww! the yuckiest part of all, the mixture contained DURIANS! walao.... the stinkiest fruit on earth, i seriously don understand y ppl like it so much lo! ya this malaysian gene is sumhow missing in me, ok so wat i don need love-durian-gene replacement therapy to b a msian ok! the nite was stil young n was ended wif a pillow-talk session talking abt sum1 ngeh ngeh ngeh *wink wink.


it's neigbour jasmin's bday ytrday. here in jbc, ppl gather to celebrate bday. whether it's a high profile or quiet affair. lotsa ppl gather in my lounge for her big day n awww.. guitars n songs juz make my messy n dirty lounge into a cosy n heartwarming area, meltzz ma heart=) when they started to sing..
it's amazing how u can speak rite to my heart... awww.. pop songs r not my cup of tea but dunno y this reli touches me everytime i hear it.. when u say nth at all... awww... those were the times i act tot ronan keating very leng chai. ahh it brought back the fond memories of the penang trip wif my alevel frens when i was 18. gah jas min's juz celebrating her 21st bday! (yee jelez!! my 21st bday was long ago wuuhuu...) n u know wat... jas min can sing! think her voice's the best i've heard so far in my batch no kiddin'.


this past week has been stressful. alamak it's like 3 4 or 5 events bsshh bam boom come crashing at u until u can't breathe properly. so wat u juz can't sit on ur butt n those things to solve by their own. it was made harder when 1 decision does not revolve around u alone, it involves the root of all evil n oso, a lot of ppl. it's totally diff from studies-related stress. dahlah failed miserably in time management. now have a hard time juggling btw 2 things. 1) urgent but not that important. 2) important but not that urgent, which is stuying for exam, duh.
i can't breathe.


2 week's gone. 1st for amsterdam n battery charging. 2nd week was crazy. can u blif it?! it's only 2 weeks to my final yr exam of MPharm degree. bwah! that's way too short to cover everything man! shoot. i seriously dunno how. samo got short attention span, can't concentrate for more than 30 mins. i can juz stare at the word blankly n brain melayang to spain then to msia then where to bring parents around if they r in scotland. daydream syndrome... issh. stop daydreaming lin-sama, the world is nvr gonna b ideal!
if not i'll juz get sooo fidgety n started doing star jump n shook the whole block G. whoever's staying rite below me, paiseh=P


=boredBebo=

research project

uh another post left to rot. sheez i defly can't make a life out of blogging.
anyway shoo! if u r allergic to bore-u-to-death reflection kinda post.

++


wat a relief to shove the end product into the metal cabinet! by that i mean immense relief. in fact that's how i felt everytime i passed up an assignment last min plus the adrenaline rush, but this surely meant a lot as it's the last in my uni life, cud b the last research project in my entire life.


n fulamak, that's the 1st time in my life i stay awake the whole nite! juz to get that damn thing done! y'know to put those tables in place was such a pain in the arse.


gosh been so comfortable wif the exam-oriented education system all this while, miss those a level days when v only need to study when exam's round the corner.
...assignment? ...WAT?! *shrugs bimbotically*
that oso i did miserably for my bio. cos i hate it n din finish covering the syllabus. i WAS a terrible student.

researching n writing up essays r my biggest weaknesses. i barely finish my cpp essay in a week, n 2 pharmcare essays in 10 days... but a week to write up a discussion n complete the entire research project?! boy was i out of my mind??!! i've got not time to read over wat i wrote. no final editing, i let it happen AGAIN, on my final yr research project! c, i'm STILL a terrible student.


juz when i tot the books that i borrowed from library r gonna help me out, wth only a 4th yr chem student can understand that i bet. 1st the complicated cellular signaling, then the complicated chemistry of ligand-receptor binding n then the complicated computer softwares which all drove me bonkers!

moz of the time i had fun playing wif my molecules than act answering the questions. n sumtimes, =perfectionistPaige= merasuk n i'd rotate my molecule for hrs juz to get a nice, clear image. (duh in the end i delete moz of it!) well it's bcos of this i bump into a new finding, my hit's a competitive inhibitor when i wan it to b non-competitive.. DENG! *panic*
since then i've been presenting my datas n answering those questions in a diplomatic way, hoping to keep it safe. well sry for my partner who have to deal wif my last min finding, v pulled it tru anyway. hey ms. ku... i complimented u gau gau in my acknowledgement ok!! muahaha... by gau gau i mean 1 sentence.

n then i tried to read up on GOLD docking program to have more understanding on my project, wahpiang!! imagine a comp software has sth to do wif chromosome, mutation n evolution, WTH it's totally out of my scope ok!! i even had a hard time figuring out van der waals forces n hydrophobic interaction. it's not defined as wat i've alwiz tot it is. *scratch head

gave up on understanding n attempt to answer the questions straight. n i've wasted precious time by looking up materials that didn't fit into my discussion. let's say..
y do we delete water molecules. bet i search long enuf for this, but moz literature r on retaining water molecules. sumhow my gut feeling juz tell me it has sth to do wif entropy so i started crapping my own answer, only after passing up that i realised i misphrased it in such a way that sounds like Hbonds r thermodynamically unfavourable.. when act many things in this universe interact by Hbonds! i'm DOOMED! i can totally imagine simon wif his hahthisisrubbish kinda look when marking my half past 6 work.

ya pt is i knew clearly that i needed more than a week, given that i had zero knowledge on the crazy stuff that i'm dealing wif. wat's more it carries the moz credits! but heck i din put in the effort that i was supposed to. i shud've started researching since the lab session, esp since i've got the privilege of having a relaxed 1.

no matter how much i hate researching, i'm a 4th yr undergraduate. i shud at least allocate more time on research, write things up, final edit, n hand in a decent project. sumtimes i tot.. as long as i pass it doesn't matter wat class i got, v r all gonna graduate as pharmacist sumday. but then, i'm slowly swallowed by guilt when i think of how much my dad have paid to put me here, n mayb by putting a lil more effort i can act make them very proud. it's reli my responsibility to get a gud pass.

shoot. i'm inorganised, hopelessly playful, n unable to prioritise things. it's totally understandable now y my parents can nvr trust me, n y my bf can nvr stop worrying of me (he's playing my parent's role now that i'm abroad haha). i've yet to reach that level of maturity n serves u rite lin-sama for failing to earn their trust. i'm either stucked wif peterpan in neverland syndrome or this rebellious teen thingy. i pretty much screw this myself. DAMMIT!


boy am i regretting this? i can't turn back time. well hope that by studying hard for the final exams i can salvage the situation. shit not like they carry lotsa credits. omg can i even pass cpp? let's cross fingers that i'll graduate at 30th jun. good luck to every1 too=)


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haha it's kinda weird when posting this entry which i've written like 2 weeks ago. cos sadly i hasn't changed a bit. my guilt n motivation are overshadowed by my obsessive compulsive trip plannings n watching desperate housewifes. wth, get those concentration n enthusiasm on those module notes pls!!!!



=guiltyGwen=