research project

uh another post left to rot. sheez i defly can't make a life out of blogging.
anyway shoo! if u r allergic to bore-u-to-death reflection kinda post.

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wat a relief to shove the end product into the metal cabinet! by that i mean immense relief. in fact that's how i felt everytime i passed up an assignment last min plus the adrenaline rush, but this surely meant a lot as it's the last in my uni life, cud b the last research project in my entire life.


n fulamak, that's the 1st time in my life i stay awake the whole nite! juz to get that damn thing done! y'know to put those tables in place was such a pain in the arse.


gosh been so comfortable wif the exam-oriented education system all this while, miss those a level days when v only need to study when exam's round the corner.
...assignment? ...WAT?! *shrugs bimbotically*
that oso i did miserably for my bio. cos i hate it n din finish covering the syllabus. i WAS a terrible student.

researching n writing up essays r my biggest weaknesses. i barely finish my cpp essay in a week, n 2 pharmcare essays in 10 days... but a week to write up a discussion n complete the entire research project?! boy was i out of my mind??!! i've got not time to read over wat i wrote. no final editing, i let it happen AGAIN, on my final yr research project! c, i'm STILL a terrible student.


juz when i tot the books that i borrowed from library r gonna help me out, wth only a 4th yr chem student can understand that i bet. 1st the complicated cellular signaling, then the complicated chemistry of ligand-receptor binding n then the complicated computer softwares which all drove me bonkers!

moz of the time i had fun playing wif my molecules than act answering the questions. n sumtimes, =perfectionistPaige= merasuk n i'd rotate my molecule for hrs juz to get a nice, clear image. (duh in the end i delete moz of it!) well it's bcos of this i bump into a new finding, my hit's a competitive inhibitor when i wan it to b non-competitive.. DENG! *panic*
since then i've been presenting my datas n answering those questions in a diplomatic way, hoping to keep it safe. well sry for my partner who have to deal wif my last min finding, v pulled it tru anyway. hey ms. ku... i complimented u gau gau in my acknowledgement ok!! muahaha... by gau gau i mean 1 sentence.

n then i tried to read up on GOLD docking program to have more understanding on my project, wahpiang!! imagine a comp software has sth to do wif chromosome, mutation n evolution, WTH it's totally out of my scope ok!! i even had a hard time figuring out van der waals forces n hydrophobic interaction. it's not defined as wat i've alwiz tot it is. *scratch head

gave up on understanding n attempt to answer the questions straight. n i've wasted precious time by looking up materials that didn't fit into my discussion. let's say..
y do we delete water molecules. bet i search long enuf for this, but moz literature r on retaining water molecules. sumhow my gut feeling juz tell me it has sth to do wif entropy so i started crapping my own answer, only after passing up that i realised i misphrased it in such a way that sounds like Hbonds r thermodynamically unfavourable.. when act many things in this universe interact by Hbonds! i'm DOOMED! i can totally imagine simon wif his hahthisisrubbish kinda look when marking my half past 6 work.

ya pt is i knew clearly that i needed more than a week, given that i had zero knowledge on the crazy stuff that i'm dealing wif. wat's more it carries the moz credits! but heck i din put in the effort that i was supposed to. i shud've started researching since the lab session, esp since i've got the privilege of having a relaxed 1.

no matter how much i hate researching, i'm a 4th yr undergraduate. i shud at least allocate more time on research, write things up, final edit, n hand in a decent project. sumtimes i tot.. as long as i pass it doesn't matter wat class i got, v r all gonna graduate as pharmacist sumday. but then, i'm slowly swallowed by guilt when i think of how much my dad have paid to put me here, n mayb by putting a lil more effort i can act make them very proud. it's reli my responsibility to get a gud pass.

shoot. i'm inorganised, hopelessly playful, n unable to prioritise things. it's totally understandable now y my parents can nvr trust me, n y my bf can nvr stop worrying of me (he's playing my parent's role now that i'm abroad haha). i've yet to reach that level of maturity n serves u rite lin-sama for failing to earn their trust. i'm either stucked wif peterpan in neverland syndrome or this rebellious teen thingy. i pretty much screw this myself. DAMMIT!


boy am i regretting this? i can't turn back time. well hope that by studying hard for the final exams i can salvage the situation. shit not like they carry lotsa credits. omg can i even pass cpp? let's cross fingers that i'll graduate at 30th jun. good luck to every1 too=)


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haha it's kinda weird when posting this entry which i've written like 2 weeks ago. cos sadly i hasn't changed a bit. my guilt n motivation are overshadowed by my obsessive compulsive trip plannings n watching desperate housewifes. wth, get those concentration n enthusiasm on those module notes pls!!!!



=guiltyGwen=