of see-saw n many things random

i seriously think i have this inability to exist as a whole at any 1 place at any 1 time. like my body n soul r in 2 separate dimensions. n that my heart n my mind r seesawing btw idealization n reality, btw 2 opposite characters, or juz any 2 extreme points.

tots in my mind r like scattered lil pieces of jigsaw puzzles that form an abstract painting. ya at the age of 24 i stil cudn't get the whole pic. i'm stil this lost kid who cudn't articulate her tots... ah hell.. emo bemo lynno can juz cry when listening to 'lost' over n over again.

i've not written any blog in march. but i don rmb studying for my forensics either. all i rmb was.. oops.. i did spent A LOT of time lying on the bed. daydreaming or sleeping. sumtimes it irks me that i spent so much time doing nth.. despite many resolutions i'm stil doing NTH every single day. it's pretty scary how time flies truout the prp yr. it can only mean 2 things.
1) i'm stil a noobie after half a yr.
2) i may b nearer to the day of getting posted to sum ulu kk... huuuuuuuu.

talk abt forensics exam, i alwiz have this fear that i cudn't pass. cos of KARMA. for commiting a crime that i was not brave enuf to confess! the day bfor forensics, i drove out for dinner tgt wif housemates. did a reverse while discussing n getting stressed out on the past yr questions. n the nx thing i know.. BAM!!!!

OOPS i forgot to look at the MIRRORS!!! *quickly turn to the back to check out wat's going on!*

i BANG a WIRA!!!!

AND

i caused a DENT on the car!!!!

OMG!!! it.juz.happened. how how how how *panick attack*

n i did wat all noob drivers wud do.. LEAVE the crime scene as quickly as possible!! NOTE: under the advice of housemates hor.

was uneasy the whole day.. i wanted to leave a note but unfortunately i hadn't finish studying!! wat if the owner's a gangster n beat me up?! or a fierce uncle who'll scold me all the way?! i cudn't risk getting emotionally disturbed or causing unnecessary stress to my housemates.

if this incident were to happen on any other ordinary day n not a day bfor my forensics, i'll write an apology note, i'll pay to compensate for the dent. yes, for sure. i'm NOT an irresponsible person, oh lordy pls let me pass forensics... it's simply excruciating to read those sections n regulations which rarely contain a comma or a fullstop.. AGAIN.

eh btw it's april , the month where gor gor leslie cheung n kurt cobain, 2 of my fav idols, decided to take their own lifes. read kurt cobains suicide note.. man it's so destructive to feel jaded. i do feel jaded every now n then, izzit sth alarming? no worries they r like mega-superstars weh, u gotta get til that high up to drop til that low in ur life.

sumtimes my heart wil b dancing so happily like doing a jai-ho.. omg that's like the moz infectious song wif the moz infectious dance scene lately. i'm so driven to sign up an indian dance class like.. rite now.

see i can b a very energetic, enthusiastic n pasionate person.. but of course u need to b in the rite time rite place wif the rite bunch of ppl to set the fire ablaze.

there r oso times that i think i can do sth great.. sth that can change the world (che wa.. like morphing into a power ranger, do a bono, al gore or angelina jolie sorta thing. haha ya i know.. wat on earth am i thinking rite??)

y do i stil feel useless? i've got a degree, i'm sorta financial independent, i have a car. i have a room of my own, i'm away from kl for at least 20 days in a month. y do i stil feel so stiffled every now n then??

i've read my prev blog entries, n then i read other ppl's blg.. urrgghh i juz find my blog very dumb sumtimes. it's juz like i've got nth eventful or insightful in my life so i blab abt day to day irrelevant stuff. n not that i have beautiful english to flaunt watsoever. haih...

well the a bright side to this is that i can act fit into life of a small town folk, gee i'm such an easily moulded person. i'm able to find joy in tiny weeny irrelevant stuff... juz like sum1 once taught me the goal of life is JUST to live happily every single day.. simple yet so hard at the same time. i'm stil learning.

i don reli have much passion (mayb 40%) or satisfaction (mayb 30%) in my job. watever i do now doesn't require me to study things down to the cellular or molecular level, which is practically the entire MPharm program. since it's a bloody tempting twinning program, i'll get to go to scotland, tour around europe n chill at crazy music festivals WHY NOT?! tour around europe i did tho i missed out on the music festivals.. see.. it's not abt any great expectation or my future.. such is the shallow thinking of a person w/o a vision in life. BUT!

i found out that i can b very serious when it comes to work. when i get bz i'll have this adrenaline rush which is totally sensational (not in clinical dpt tho, alwiz whining abt the heat in the ward n then went MIA haha) gee i didn't know i'm such a WORKAHOLIC! nvr underestimate my capabilites yo!

felt like tying 2 chun li buns, wear a cheong sam to work n kick sum ass... there r so many ass i feel like kicking in a day. *omg random fantasies again* hmm no baju ketat when the stor kecemerlangan auditors r here on tues to thurs.

there r sooo many things to do.. from trivial things like downloading the latest japanese drama to important stuff like filling in borang kaunselling or adr or drug info request (i've not even completed 1 after almoz half a yr). but i'm JUST TOO LAZY once i get back home idling on the bed or in front of the laptop.


sumtimes i realise i'm a spiritual n zenny person, i don give a damn abt materials n i don reli care much abt earning loads of money, as long as i continue living the middle class lifestyle. ya rite.. juz got myself an ipod nano. n i can act rant 1 whole day when the taxi driver charged me a whopping rm7 from muar bus station to the hosp which is like sports complex to sainsbury. haiyo ah pek u think u drive limo ah!! isshh i nvr fail to contradict myself.

sumtimes i juz hope that i can grab my backpack, wonder off sumwhere ALONE, hmm which 'me' wil i b that time or wil i finally exist as a whole. anyhow i juz cudn't muster the courage to get anything started. every now n then in lecture halls in bekalan wad my mind wil juz slip to a faraway land, to another realm.. mayb by merely doing so it is oredi a form of escapism for myself. LOSER!


oh well, guess i juz need to accept the fact that whichever shape i take, it's stil a part of me, hence it's stil ME. it's plain stupid getting emo n struggling on this so-called identity crisis.

i need another mogwai concert... i need sth psychedelic. n i juz missed oasis concert in spore...SHAIT!

i dunno y.. but almoz every nite... i'll b so bogged down by negative tots or negative emotions... i think i seriously need to clean my room, do a 5S... oh yeh baby sumtimes i do blif in feng shui.. all these negative chi r snowballing in my dirty n untidy room for a very long time. it's time to expel the negative chi n welcome sum positive chi into my room.

y did i ever name my blog jadedjude n sprightlysue, 'nuff said.

sicko kiddo, when can u ever find ur equilibrium?

episode 134: nite shift

THE SIMPLE LIFE

starring

paris LEEDY hilton (don even try to figure out y the heck izzit leedy unless u r oso from hpsf haha)

season 5: MUAR

ep. 134: NITE SHIFT.

co-star: kak najwar (1st & 2nd nite), kak yani (3rd nite), jshen (4th & 5th nite), fahmi (6th & 7th nite).

task 1. get to know ur dispensers

juz got up from 2 hr nap. staring blankly at the shelves in satellite.. when suddenly i heard karma police. yao mou? at 6am in the morning! am i hallucinating or wat? so i juz check out the tdm room n guess wat...

that's kak najwar n her yahoo music!! *red sleepy eyes popping out instantly*

a small town dispenser who has given birth to 4 or 5 children actually likes listening to RADIOHEAD... WOW!!

i got so excited that i told her how much i luv radiohead n how i miss the concert at glasgow green blabla.. while jamming tdm wif paranoid android=) gee... don u think this is sooo damn cool?!

=task 1 accomplished: kak najwar has gud taste in music=

bimbotic moment: planned to make tuna egg SANDWICH for my 'lunch'. happily packed the egg in a tupperware but totally forgot abt the BREAD!! CIS!! there goes half a loaf of bread.. serving as a cosy breeding ground for moulds.

task 2: self development - bravery

che wa i can act run MANY times to DIM-LITTED opd, TAKING MY TIME to grab sum meds ALONE in the WEE HRS W/O ANY FEAR n W/O IMAGINATION RUNNING WILD!! ok i know i know wait til i go bekalan wad n have a look at that nvr ending walkway. but sheez i'm very proud of myself. *purposely capitalletter-fied the words juz so u guys get my pt keke*

=task 2 accomplished: leedy is no more chicken yo!=

bimbotic moment: cursing bloody A & E doctors only AFTER hanging up the phone. issh if i have the courtesy to call u can u pls have the courtesy to cooperate a bit. yerr not like it's my fault that v run out of syrup amoxicillin.

task 3: get along well wif jshen

i finally got to work wif jshen the GREAT but WOOT! i freaking skip my sleep cos v were talking truout the whole nite!! cheH~ wa. instead of doing the typical jshen's HARH lidat oso u dunno ah? when i was being hopelessly noobie, she act smiled.. mind u.. SMILED=) n said.. aiyoh! y u so cute 1? see ky, it's ur prob, u yong suih la.

=task 3 accomplished: humanly side of js detected.. even tho it's only a wee bit=

bimbotic moment: attempted to replace the ribbon of the label printing machine. put on serious thinking cap, activated analytical brain, trying to figure out how to pasang that damn ribbon. but No! it's stil not working!! until shahril came in the morning.

shahril: u ada pasang salah ke?

me: TAK MUNGKIN!! saya tengok ribbon yg lama tu memang pasang mcm ini. gulungan yg tebal tu kena hala ke luar.

shahril: -_-III ah suilin!!! ribbon lama tu dah habis jalan 1 cycle!!! skrg ni kita nak pasang ribbon BARU yg belum jalan lagi!!

eh YA HORRRRRRRR!! *walau can juz throw my brain into the tong sampah*

task 4: cover for fahmi so that he can go out to watch man u vs inter milan (oh btw man u kena thrased by liverpool *OH OH OH.. liverpool!!*

the 2 nites wif fahmi-the-ever-so-cuddly-teddy-bear-wif-seductive-barble doll-y-eye lashes were reli DA BOMB!!

bimbotic moment: i accidentally drop sth on the floor.. forgot izzit a pen or wat. while v both bend down to take it the tip of our fingers came in contact. n

ZAP!

v both kena electric shock for a sec, LITERALLY!! i'm not kidding!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAH!

there's this strong static electric field. it's juz like those scenes on tv where both eyes met n there's this imaginary high voltage in between their eyes but dammit ours is FOR REAL! ah hah *face as red as tomato* *SHYZ zhor.*

n omg i juz burst into the wildest laughter when i stumbled upon his darkest secrets. shhhh. *ah hiok ah hiok* *omg i juz luv to do this goofy laugh lately!!!* *ah hiok ah hiok*

n i almoz finish 1 season of scrubs within these 2 nites. juz when i was halfway in this sesuai utk ditonton oleh semua lapisan masyarakat comedy, a ward attendant freaking ram into satellite asking for vanco STAT.

wahpiang! it all happened in a few sec that i cudn't minimize the screen in time n of all scenes, mind u, OF ALL SCENES, it juz HAD TO paused rite where elliot was being horny in her SEXY LINGERIE!! n the naked guy was wrapped under a blanket.

arrghhhh! can the timing get any better than this?! *i juz wanna dig a hole n jump in*

i don dare to look at his face WAT IF he winks back. ILLL!

n who knows after this i'll get... *touch wood* ..

incidence reporting #1. prp watching porn during nite shift. i'm so doomed!! hahahaha.

incidence reporting #2. disturbing patients wif hysterical laughter. omg y is scrubs so nonsensically amusing!

so i was eating chips n sipping water truout n there's his scene where the alwiz kena bullied ted suddenly flew in a projectile motion n landed in a pile of sand.

AKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! can it get more comical than this?!

n there was i.. executing my ear-piercing laughter but dammit i FORGOT i was DRINKING WATER at the very same time!!!!

so i juz spewed water at a pressure high enuf to produce that same ted projectile. AKAKAKAKAKAKAKA! if i ever kena incidence reporting i shall juz go across the causeway n make a living there, replacing the merlion yg disambar petir hahaha.

fahmi escaped the wet shower narrowly n he laughed so hard that he had to hold his big tummy awwwwwwwww so KIIIIIIIIIIIIOOooooooOOTTTTTTT! while i almoz choked to death, kanasai.

=task 4 accomplished: rewarded wif 2 hrs of sleep, lemon ribena, nasi lemak n loads of scrubs=



task 5: get a nice hairstyle

oh wat doing sth to my hair again?! oh yes i'm forever so impulsive.

bimbotic moment: megada-ly wanted to attempt a rihanna bob.

but it's not advisable by hairstylist cos my hair is super thin . ok, juz trim n rebond.

n WTH truout the whole week, i was basically ridiculed wherever i go. volume-less flat hair. pathetic strands of weird-looking cleopatra-wannabe fringe. end product: super cannot make it.

have to bear wif housemates n colleagues evil laughters. OUCH!
random pharmacy ppk came up to me juz to say they prefer my prev hairstyle. OUCH!
n then shahril started to call me BUDAK SPASTIC. HUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu bloody hell.... this is way too OUCH!

no 1 gud comment until today. fine fine fine fine. sumday my hair wil b bigger n my fringe wil get thicker.

=task FAILED FAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!=


++++++++++++


oh n it's only fair that the guest star of the episode get sum credits too. thanx for coming all the way to accompany me n adjust to my erratic working hrs. it reli feels like v r living in the same dimension but yet in completely diff time zone damn funny haha.

guest star: dear.


++++++++++++++


director cum producer cum editor: leedy=)