the birth of a baby is celebrated. the death of an old man is mourned. it's happening within 2 days in my maternal family. wat an irony. i tried to walk down memory lane, searching for those moments v shared wif him.. ya v had gatherings in taiping on cny n his bday. but i nvr reli have a nice chat wif him, nvr hold his hand n stroll in the park. i felt bad. then i cudn't attend the entire funeral procession.. n not doing my part as a granddaughter, now i'm feeling VERY bad.
i took only 1 day's leave to pay my last respect. for the 1st time in my life, seeing a dead body lying inside a coffin rite in front of me, tot it's gonna b scary but when i look at that peaceful face, all i felt was calm n serene. it's a relief that he passed away w/o much pain n suffering. yes, v din shed a tear bcos u told us not to. r.i.p grandpa.
human beings r claustrophobic in general, well at least i am. but come to think abt it, u were enveloped in ur mom's womb when u were stil a foetus, but u r not realising it. n when u die, u'll b enclosed in a coffin, oso nvr realising it. so.. wat am i trying to say.. i dunno. juz having sum tots.. not to deep.. n juz feeling weird.. yeah.. yet again.
1 comment:
from womb to tomb... ashes to ashes... a life passes on, a new one begins... the cliche about the circle of life rings especially true in the recent events that had unfolded in our family.
i regret not seeing your grandpa for one last time... the last time i saw him was CNY07... and due to some silly superstition, i also couldn't attend his funeral, something to do with some ceremony conducted for my late paternal grandparents during the same period. till now, i still do not understand why... no one has given me a satisfactory explanantion except that it's not good, pantang. hello? i need something better than that!
i strongly believe we chinese are just way too superstitious, to the extent of being outright illogical! i mean, things like pantang tak boleh see the newborn in the first 100 days after your grandpa's death, cannot look at the coffin when it leaves the house, a woman in confinement tak boleh menangis cos her mata will kabur, etc, etc, etc... don't get me started on the ones about weddings, pregnancy, CNY... birth, death - what's to pantang about the two when really, if you think about it, one is the result of the other?
call me a banana/forgetting my roots/unfilial/whatever, but i take consolation in the fact that all these pantang-larang will not be passed on... well, at least not by me. i practice not, what i believe not.
it's good to know that he left peacefully, and it was reflected on his face as he laid in the coffin. that's how my paternal grandma looked too in her final resting place. guess i'm luckier than you... i've more memories of times spent with your grandpa as i grew up in his house. i've always held those memories close to my heart... and i always will. r.i.p yee cheong/ kai yeh.
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